Five months of unemployment can change a person. Since I have no family to support the challenges have been merely mental.
Mostly I have holed up in my apartment. I don't talk to many people and I try to avoid the public at large. I went from covering every game possible to cold turkey. I didn't want to talk about or hear about how coverage now sucks without me. No duh.
I ignored most of the positives until just lately. I was able to attend many of my brother's games. He won his last 15 regular season games and gave one of the best programs in the country a real scare in the D-III national tournament. I would have missed all that had I been working. I also saw my nieces several more times than I would have otherwise so that was cool too. Not being surronded by people who just work for paycheck rather than being passionate has been nice as well.
I guess I missed the deadlines and writing the most. It is hard to imagine caring that much. Most of the five months flew by. I was able to let go by avoiding it. If I saw an issue then I would get upset because of the the acceptance of mediocrity and just being like the awful competition. I feel bad about all of the kids who didn't get covered because of I wasn't there.
Soon the unemployment runs out. I can't imagine somewhere hiring me. My resume sucks. My personality has changed enough that I don't know if I can fake an interview. I really have no connections and allies. I know the coaches, politicians and readers liked me but they don't do the hiring. I have no friends in the newspaper business. I know if hired I would turn it on and I would be fine. I just don't see getting the chance.
I haven't posted because I know the truth about me. I am not really a good writer. People think I am because the talent I do have is knowing my audience. I have been blessed with the ability to write in a style that the reader connects with. I wrote my articles knowing they were headed for scrapbooks and being sent to Grandma. Each one was special for some family. As for my columns, I know Cleveland. I wonder if that style could translate to another market. My clips while wonderful for the area are not the kind that impress journalists.
Now my audience is gone, I am not sure I can write still. Plus I suck at proofreading my own stuff.
I am going to try but I don't know how to find you again.